Millennial Moms:

Succeeding with No Village

You know what's outrageous? Blaming moms who have no support for not reaching their professional goals. Even worse is being in a position of power and holding moms back from meeting their goals, due to their lack of support.

Before Millennials grew up and made families, there was a time when parents were supported. I know this for a fact because I remember it. When I reflect on my childhood, I recall many times when I was watched by family members, neighbors, or older teens, in order for my parents to work and experience entertainment. Yes, parents were considered humans and allowed to enjoy their lives at one point in time.

I also recall knowing families where the mother did not have to work for the family's survival; a story that the following generations will probably think was made up like a fairy tale.

For some unknown reason, Millennial Moms are not valued like mothers of the past. Now we run a one (wo)man show with zero sympathy from anyone. We are treated as sub-human and pleas for help are met with disdain and shaming.

Professional self-help books often suggest that women should simply "try harder". That success comes down to positive affirmations, manifestation, and perseverance.

Here are some of the paradoxical expectations Millennial Moms are held to:

• We are expected to mother like we don't have a job, and work like we don't have kids.

• We are expected to not burden others with the children we chose to have, even if those "others" had plenty of help when their children were small.

• We are expected to be financially independent, all while paying for childcare that eats the majority of our paycheck, or skip childcare for a less demanding job that pays peanuts.

• We are expected to stay physically and mentally healthy while putting our needs last.

• We are expected to professionally network but also be available for our families 24/7.

Let's not forget about society telling us that we just need to manage our time better:

We are expected to spend 10 hours per day working (including commute), 2 hours per day helping children with homework, 2 hours per day cooking healthy meals, 1 hour per day cleaning, 1 hour per day exercising, 8 hours per day sleeping...

Oh darn, look at that! We hit 24 hours and I haven't even included showering, eating, putting kids to bed, laundry, children's sports, making ones spouse feel special, grocery shopping, quality time with children, making and going to various appointments. I've intentionally left out entertainment and keeping friendships because we all know that's out the window the moment we have kids.

Here's what needs to happen: Moms need to unite with other moms. We've learned we cannot rely on our non-existent village. No amount of pleading or insisting will change their minds, but other moms do understand the impossibility of the modern situation. The only way to survive this is to support each other.

Support can look like:

• Mom networking

• Help other moms create more professional connections by arranging outings among mutual mom friends.

• Discuss more than just child rearing with other moms. Ask about their work experience and offer help if they are looking for it and you can provide it.

• Buy local from moms. If someone in the parent circle has a product they sell, choose to support the local mom rather than a large corporation.

• Resource sharing:

• Offering outgrown clothes and toys to your mom network.

• If kids from two households go to the same school or sports, moms should take turns on transportation.

• Rotate play date hosting without the obligation for the guest child's mom to stay.

• Mom social dates

• Meet for quick coffee dates with other moms for one on one social time.

• Have chore dates where you keep another mom company while she folds laundry or meal preps.

The other thing that needs to happen is we all need to collectively refuse to meet society's expectations. Things like keeping a perfectly clean house at all times or believing that mom bod needs to be "fixed" by punishing amounts of exercise, need to go. Also, being pressured to stay late at work or volunteer at school, should be eliminated as options.

Rearrange your priority list so that taking care of yourself is in the top 3 to-do items. The stuff you hate doing should be at the bottom. If you run out of time, you just skip the hated tasks.

So what if society judges us? What do we have to lose? No one helps us anyway so their judgement can't hurt you. The next time someone has something to say about an area you've let slide due to time restrictions, ask them, "How do you plan to help me?" and then let the awkward silence play out.